Why Our Generation Is Scared To Get Married ?
In the generation preceding ours, arranged marriages were the norm. Where marriage entailedfinding a suitable candidate whom the family approved of for the couple to embark on adulthoodtogether. But times have changed, and so have our attitudes towards holy matrimony.
Millennials have lost faith in the sanctity of marriage. With an increase in divorce rates, incidences of cheating partners and people opting for live-in relationships, for most young people marriage no longer remains a priority.
We’re a lot more career oriented than our previous generations.
The general perception of marriage amongst the millennials is that it clips our wings. We’re so consumed with running the rat race that life has been reduced to, most of us cringe at the thought of getting married, especially when we’re in our twenties. Because marriage is now equated with being tied down.
It involves becoming a part of of someone else’s life, to the extent that you’re basically fused into one unit. While most of us are struggling to come to terms with our own selves, the idea of being a part of and being responsible for another individual is more than what most of us bargained for.
The traditional form of marriage involved a substantial amount of compromise required to be made by both parties, and our generation is not very excited at that prospect.
Coupled with our fixation with finding ourselves is our insistence on not settling for less. We go out with people, get into relationships, while constantly craving for more. More often than not, we find ourselves neck deep in relationships which leave us feeling like we deserve better.
We are not a generation who will invest themselves in building their life around someone who just isn’t good enough.
We’re a generation obsessed with our attempts at “finding” ourselves.
With each passing day, we are becoming more and more aware of the fact that “we live alone. We die alone. Everything else is just an illusion.” We’ve internalized it to the extent that instead of investing ourselves in building long lasting ties, we focus entirely on ourselves and on having experiences for and by ourselves.
As human beings become increasingly obsessed with the ‘I’, family ties are being strained more than ever. We’re constantly scared of losing the independence we’ve treasured for most of our adult lives.
The idea of commitment freaks us out
Burying ourselves in an avalanche of insecurities, commitment is a scary prospect for most of us. We constitute the hook-up generation, where relationships are fleeting and sexual gratification is enough to keep us going.
The idea of finality that is intrinsic to marriage is enough to throw us off. What we’re most afraid of is the possibility of intimacy encroaching upon our sense of autonomy.
The concept of the ‘ideal bahu’ has evolved over the years, and women no longer find gratification in being the perfect homemaker.
For the longest time, f or a majority of the female population in our country, the Indian dream amounted to finding the perfect life partner, making babies and looking after them.
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While there are certain inherent discrepancies in terms of gender roles in a traditional marriage, circumstances are quickly changing with the passage of time. As more and more women are breaking societal stereotypes and striving towards achieving financial independence, marriage takes a backseat and the pursuit of ambitions has become the priority.
Also, with divorce rates shooting up, we’re losing our faith in the concept of happily-ever-after.
Marriages are no longer as idyllic as they used to be. Incidences of people walking out on their spouses are more frequent than ever. Our previous generations stuck together despite their marriages falling apart, owing to the taboo that surrounds getting a divorce. Residues of that taboo still remains, and our generation just does not want to go through the ordeal of getting married, if parting ways is an inevitability.
But while we’re caught in a whirlwind of ambitions and insecurities, there is no denying the fact that it always is reassuring to have someone around, someone to come home to, someone to discover yourself with.
While marriage might be a scary prospect, don’t we all want someone to call our own? There is a certain comfort in knowing that at the end of a long, shitty day, when nothing makes sense, you can go home to the reassuring presence of your forever person. Our parents are kind of right, you know, when they say that loneliness eventually gets to you at some point or the other.
Marriage does not have to get in the way of your career, or in the path of self discovery. Instead, your soul searching exercise might just be more fulfilling when you’re in it with someone else. There is a certain security and stability in marriage that no other relationship can provide.
You find yourself through that person. You grow up and overcome the drudgeries of life with the love of your life.
Because, as Christopher McCandless puts it “Happiness is only real when shared.”